Him being gone today is beyond bitter and painful. He loved passing out Valentine’s Day cards. In the early days after his death, I learned to avoid cleaning when I accidentally Windexed away some of his handprints on a window. Agony. I’d give anything to have that dirty window back. Seldom used cabinets and bottom drawers became landmines. They explode with grief inside me from an artifact or memory I’d uncover. So, I typically stay in safe, well-worn rooms. Well, today, of all days, with head down and thoughts lost, while looking for heavy card stock paper, in the office I lifted up a book and, BOOM! Found this box from exactly a year ago…

Box of Valentine’s Day well wishes from February 14, 2018.

Love is incredibly painful and yet nothing brings more joy. Take risks and love fiercely. Do it now, today and everyday. You never know when the physical remnants of that love will be reduced to a cardboard box on the office floor You’ll wish you had more. Today, I take what I have with a heavy but happy and thankful heart.

Ewan’s mailbox from last year. He used blue, hospital coban tape to decorate it.